I have a Higher Power. I call it that for lac of a better term, and because it is easier and less loaded than say God for example. Once, when I was a kid, I was just home from Sunday school one morning--I remember because I was still in a dress and maryjane shoes--I was probably 6 or 7, maybe 8-years-old. And I dragged my little desk, one of those blue metal things with the opening for your books under the seat and the desk welded onto an arm that came up on one side, over to my closet to stand on and reach something on the top shelf. And this feeling of incredible warm calm came over me and it was almost as if it said, I wouldn't do that if I were you. And I literally stopped what I was doing and responded with my own internal mind talk: Jesus, is that you?
I stood on the desk anyway, and, top-heavy it pitched me forward into an entirely nonsteady wall of clothes which did not stop my fall but certainly softened my landing. My father came clamoring up the stairs yelling because he was scared and I, not for the first time, learned the hard way.
I dont know if it was Jesus. I'm saying, if that's what you want to/like to call it, more power to you, though I've never been comfortable identifying it, or I guess I should more aptly say limiting it by giving it a personality or name, at all. In highschool marijuana was a the placebo that got me to more or less trust in that inner "hunch", and I called it It then. In the years of partying and hanging that came after that I literally followed the coincidences into the gnostics, info on mysticism, paganism and more. By college I had taken to meditating, or preparing my mind for that quiet guidance to grow. And around that time I got turned on to the Celestine Prophecy, and Simple Abundance, and as result grew encouraged about actually owning, and using, and growing my own access to the inner-calm or guidance.
A year or so ago, maybe a year and a half now, I was laying under a tree at Anngar, under my tree (animism is also a tenet I live, again I can't say believe here because I project this onto my subjective reality, so there is no way for me to say it's merely a belief as I live the Oneness) and I was talking to the Higher Power and feeling the receptivity of my tree and my body relaxing into the earth around it. And I said to HP I just really feel like I need some time alone. My next thought was that I was due in town for something at 5pm. At which time I met a random stranger who invited me (I was between jobs at the time) to come to a 10 day, 10 hour a day meditation retreat happening at a camp right outside town, for free. We weren't allowed to talk the whole time. I went. And sat Vipasanna, a form of stringent Buddhist meditation, for those 10 days.
At Vipasanna retreat the guru was very clear that we were not to invoke any higher power or god, no praying or anything like that was allowed. That was tough for me, as I start my day, everyday, with a prayer, and usually (after coffee at least!) settle in for a minimum of 10 minutes of open meditation to align myself with my own inner calm, and then focus my mind on my gratitude and intentions for the day. Vipassana was amazing. I clearly saw the direct connection between somatic emotional wounds and our otherwise unconscious reactive thought patterns that all humans hold. I fully realized the absolute alignment between these unchecked beliefs and illness. And the experience of sitting Vipassana was an amazing challenge, the validity for which I fully understand: utilizing the inner "Watcher" to unkink our patterning, or samsaras, by witnessing rather than running with them, thus disavowing these patterns of ego attachment and thus of their power. But here's the deal ya'll, when I meditate, before I sat that 10 day period, and since, I always first give thanks and then ask that my own Higher (or, to be more factually precise insofar as how I feel it, my "Inner" or "Deeper") Power to be "on."
And here's the point of this whole post: It works. Perception changes, clear healing of thought patterns or un-"kinking", unthinkable coincidences, serendipity like you wouldn't believe. And usually all I do is witness the movement of my mind with love and non-judgement, after having asked my "Power" be turned on. And after a while of that I seek to clear out the inner-noise and sit in peace and thanks-giving. I really try to feel it, to make it warm and gold-feeling inside. Then, and this is key for me, whatever it is that I think I can't do--like empty a six-bedroom farmhouse with my hatchback and no plans for assistance--I say ok HP (or Great Love, or Holy Mystery, or Grand Mama, Deep Power or whatever whatever) take this ****** (insert exhausting life detail here), and thanks for taking care of it in my own highest good (with blessings to all involved etc etc.) Or whatever whatever... (insert grateful expression of faith who cares the semantics here.) And then I really do let it go, and I gotta tell you, always, always the details easily take care of themselves.
It's all a matter of aligning my heart with my faith in that power. Of not needing to know, just trusting. Of recognizing I, the Ego-I anyway, am not the end all. And in that, for me, the Power is vital. No matter how I define it, the words I choose to use or what I call it. It's using it, really with my heart using it, that counts. I believe that this is vibrational. (For one unsciency follow-up on this idea, click here; for a sciency one, here.)
And if your doubting right now, allow me to question: have you ever tried it, really tried it, your self?
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