I did it my way

So, a brief little bit about serendipity, or synchronicity--just for fun. This is a term started by Jung, but studied well and introduced to common cosmology in a hands-on, follow your bliss way by Joe Campbell.

I'll start a few weeks ago, when I was home ill. I'd been feeling in a creative rut, and ethically confused. One seemed to generate the other, though I can't tell you which came first. What I do know is par for me, when my perception, or inner-awareness is changing and expanding, it always comes first in the form of discontent and break-down of the old. This is a dismantling that I am accustomed to in the winter. It's how I cycle. I think many of us creative, sensitive souls are like this. I also think we need to ban together. We are the myth-makers, out here on the periphery edge of things, in contact with the nebulous stuff of our souls. As all reality starts in this realm, consciousness of this task, responsibility to the "Underground" journey if you would, is necessary. So, winter is more than hibernation, it's coming in to creative union with the darkest, furthest out-there obscure parts of us.

I love right around February--whatever your myth--when first seed starts to spark in the subconscious. The first inner quakings, the first inside longarmstreches of bliss. For me this year there was a great inner conflict going on: I manage enrollment for GED students and students of English as a Second Language for two counties around where I live. I interview, assess, resource manage, advocate for and place all of these individuals. Roughly, that's well over 300 students a year. The toll of the economy, intensified by the clear line between those who come from middle to upper class backgrounds verses someone from working class or poor roots and the opportunities, and/or lac thereof, AND MORE, the narrow-view of bubbled reality that most mid to upper class folks live in was beginning to sicken me. Partly because my own awareness of myself as a well-meaning dogooder, but all the same an ignorant dogooder, was increasingly clear. But I've been a social radicalist for a long time now, ever since I was 14 in my purple riot-grrrl boots, to be sure. So yet again I was sick, outraged. And extremist in my initial solution-thinking, as often I am: I will quit my job because it is inside the system and the system is broke so it aint, ultimately, worth a hot damn and I will commit myself full-fledged to wild woman life, living native and self-sustained off the earth and practicing and learning and learning and practicing healing wisdom and sharing this naturally with whomever I am meant...

And also, amid all this: WHERE?! WHERE is my tribe? Where are the people of my generation, my peers, with the like-minds? Not just the hippie veggie growers or the long hair or tattooed musicmakers, but the activists? And not the DC urban game-players either, I mean the real street-pavers, the ones out there, too, in the funk? And well, don't you know, I was blog-rolling, and decided to look for Earth Path/Wild Women blogs. And there they were. To paraphrase my friend Kelly J: There is no separating out my spirituality from my activism. (Starhawk often has great and similar thoughts on this, too.)

So that's what was happening during my first seeding. Lots of revel around Power. The filling your self up from within kind, extended into a deep craving to extol this right for all people, for all humans: the right to self-empower. And the various -isms of humanity that keep you, or me, or whole groups of us at once, from doing or being able to do so. As result of my sickness, (and looking at the micro of my macro indications--that is, recognizing in my own life where I was giving my own power away) I decided to start treating myself with love and gentle, nurturing care each and every day. So began the synchronicity...

It started with recognizing that message in my illness, and then finding correlating information on a favorite website. Just a day or so later, one of my inner-rants about humanity's
-isms partially made it in on to one of my blog rambles. Later, that very same night, I got an email from a co-worker, Carolyn. She asked me to check out her daughter's online newsletter. I did so, but was far more intrigued by her daughter's webpage. And her youtube clip, (which seriously you must watch, I have a hellofa time embedding shit on here, my bad) which virtually gave words to what I was unable to articulate on my blog that day.

A few mornings later I was lying in bed journaling. I was, as now, in the middle of this perpetual move off of Anngar Farm and so trying to take it easy. After some time, I quieted. Then asked my wilddeepjoyme what do you need sweetness? And the answer from within came clear and resonating, Gardening. I smiled and whispered an intention to be given what I needed to make this bliss real. Moments later I was standing in the kitchen in Ocean Pines with the strongest feeling to blogroll. The first, first blog I clicked on led me to a link, which led me here, which led me here!! That very night I posted about the importance in my own life of using the inner, or higher power. When I turned my phone on after that post, I had a message from this women I've never met about reading poetry at a reading last Friday. I was hesitant, and Friday during the day was a bad, bad day for me. But I went that night and did it anyway. And more doors opened in the form of new connections. But most of all, the poems, once collected, clearly had a theme. And in conversation with Teena, my roomie, late that night we expounded on the glory of said theme: women uninterested in the priority of partnering for the long-term. Like romantically. After that conversation I wound up receiving a text from, then chatting on myspace with a friend entirely coincidentally, about the same exact thing.

Wow oh wow very cool. So. All I've ever wanted out of my life is to look back and say I did my soul's way, authentic. In-bliss. I am loving the serendipitous nods lately, affirming such connections.