"Too Zen"

I walked in to work the week before last and much to my fabulous surprise encountered a buddy from Chestertown who is also a fellow tribe member (Compelled by the Calling). His name is Brooks and I've blogged about him before he's a member of the band The Took (see link at left of page.) Well he just started working in my office! And of course you know soon as noontime rolled around I was like Brooks let's go go go I'll take you out for sun, I mean lunch and out the backdoor we ran like teenagers cutting school. I love having someone alive from the inside there to relate with me now. So last Thursday we were walking--in the sun--to the Amish Market for the amazing freaking goodies this place offers. And somehow we got in to this conversation about Destiny. He kept saying that he felt like everything is meant to be. To which I was like well that's predestination, you know like a very Christian subtext. So what do you think then of free-will? And he's like no no I dont mean that things are scheduled in advance, I just mean they are meant to be because they happen. And of course me, ever the Queen of ruinous depths am like what, huh--I mean what's human implication in all of this thinking? Dont you think that that burdens the individual with more than a wee's bit of mite--to have the responsibility of "choice" on her shoulders? [This was all quite good-natured and high-spirited as we were both in fired-up sunny good-food moods and I for one was busy trying to sort out where I stand in the nature of said discussion.] I start delving in to the tenets of Creating Your Own Reality and so forth, to which he again is like No no no I mean it's meant to be cuz it just happens. Like if it doesn't happen it's not meant to be. And suddenly I stop in a bolt of silence and literal white light sunbeam exalt and am like, OH! I think I get it! You are clever Jedi Sensai!! You are saying the mere simplicity of the eternal moment of Zen. Purely truly nothing to figure out ahhhhh but the second you grasp it..... ahhh gone again. The most simple truth: If it happens it's meant simply because it did. No meaning. Just....experience. Just light simple eternal treasure pleasure of joy in this continuous ongoing moment. Ah, the Chink is in my presence.

Ah, tricky tricky!I Was So Delighted!! I punched him on the arm like a kid in third grade and was like poor thing, you with me, we equal Too Zen! Then we took off running for the back door of work cuz we were late, and didn't want to get in trouble.

Purity Of In-Bliss Eternal Moment May I Never Question You Oh Sacred Truth.

Ah that in recognizing and never wanting to question you are gone...again.....!
Eternal Flower
Eternal Crescent Mama Moon

Eternal Blue

Eternal Star

Eternal Art

Eternal Wild

Eternal Tricksters!!

I took my Joy back

So, in preparing pictures for my weekend in review, I thought about this thought I've wanted to blog about for the last several days: It is really hard trying to be a grown-up.

I mean, at the risk of sounding whiny--does anyone else find this to be true? Like, it's really stressful. Showing up day after day to your job, keeping schedules, paying bills on time. Am I right? I swear to god were so damn busy "keeping up" that we've lost all the natural wild instincts that keep us connected, cyclically, rhythmically, to the pure effervescent nature of things. Which means, to me, that we're dangerously close to losing our joy....

This really hit me when I threw my hands up on Friday, in the middle of my head practically spinning off my shoulders cuz the hamster up there was running so fricken fast trying to keep up with all the things I had to do--and I said to myself That's it. I'm done, done for the day. And I decided then and there that I was playing hookie with the rest of my day. I was sitting in traffic at moment of said decision and wrote a poem to celebrate. It was good, a long rhymey one that was honest and full of simple truth.

Then I drove to Newark, DE, and had a fabulous afternoon in the unprecedented 55 degree January sun, laying on a bench on the campus at U Del pretending to be carefree as a student again. Then I bought these fabulous glasses:

and this fabulous bag:

and a delightful present for a sistah a mine by the Portland, OR designer responsible for these gems, above, all at the dishy little boutique that is yuuummmmmmmmmmm, bloom.


Later that nite I dug The Took, formerly The Big Picture, at Andy's in Chestertown. Really I forgot how freakin jammin these guys are. And how kind Ian T is. Also got to hang w my grrrls. Had some fun.

Brooke me and Laura

Today dad and I drove up and met my bro, his girl and my mom at my grandparents. How fricken lucky am I to have all of them?

Me and my bro Sean w Grandma and Papaw over xmas

Finally, I've been thinking a lot lately about what I care about. You know, like what really matters to me in the heart of things. I read once in some book that our time ought to be spent on what we value in order to live a fulfilled life. Well intrinsically this presumes that one knows what s/he values. Is that true--do you?

It made me clear about a truth of my self in a deeper way: how much I value the commitment to Real Life, living from the inside out, as authentic as possible. And why I love art/music/writing/
poetry etc so much: the essence of processing this human life we all have. And I clearly understood why I am so supportive of all these phenomenal musician friends I've always had around me. Yesterday afternoon I used myspace to discover a tona music the way that I've been using blogger to dig new writers/artisans for a whole year now. This myspace thing kept me busy for at least an hour. Which reminded me how important it is
A)to live what I speak
B)to speak what I care about:
Support Independent Music People!!
what I'm listening to right now: maggie at the grand piano
YUUMmmmmmmmmmmmm