A brand new chance

It's been a long day.  I just remembered that I left to see my first client at 7:30 this morning.  That feels like it was last week.

There are heavy, heavy things going on with people I love.

It makes me feel sad which I can handle but today sad is edging near lonely, which is the shadow side of appreciating a handmade life all your own.  That part doesn't feel good.

I had a meltdown about my thesis and feeling like there is no way what I am writing is good enough.  It is profound to me, the depths of self-doubt I have around raising my voice and valuing the Women's Mysteries as something real and valid and profound.

Erika of course came through with her wisdom and words.

This is the part where I pause and remind myself--feeling curled up around the edges is old self-care which means I have started to slide with managing my basic needs.  This can happen ten times a day.  And does.  To all of us.  Can we stay close and present when we see it?  That's the thing….

Saturday I spent at a beach clean-up then at Aliso Creek for snorkeling and sunset bonfire fun. There is nothing that relaxes me like the elements.  A long salt soak.  The way fire unwinds the muscles, makes the soul softly sing.  How surf pounds on the sand in the dark steadies the beat of your heart.

Sunday I acted a fool with Alison at Sharkeez from breakfast time til literally after the sun went down.  Somehow all that golden time of fun seems far off in the background now.

Brian writes and says he wishes we had smart phones when we were kids to have caught the goofy stuff we did.  Like our old renditions of Stand By Me.  That knocks me back to 6th grade, he woulda been in 3rd, when that was our major jam.  Somehow it is November again, the end of the year closes in.   It is time to shut this computer: STEP AWAY FROM THE SCREEN!  and let the day bring its quiet end.

Cuz then comes tomorrow, its new experience of present tense.  A brand new chance at joy and choosing love, once again~