I'm Making Something Special

...and it happens to be what I always envisioned myself making when, if, finally, I ever actualized authentic life as I saw it in my gentle laden sometimes madly wild imagination.

In addition to my novel, I am making a chapbook. I am mad excited about having a project to actualize before my book is even done. Wahoooo! Meantime I am in all my old journals, transcribing magicmaking loving every minute of all of this

from composition book 2, oct 09-june 10

5.31.10 Newport, Oregon Beth's House

the girl w/ one star in her eye

We talked long about generational heritage & the vegetable body: I told her that's my take on god, the other 93 or so %, the part running on involuntary. Proof. Proof is the wonder of mystery. She read to me out of a celestial goddess book which was pulled off the shelf to find a pic of Kwan Yen--who I paid homage to bc she called me to kneel down. Turns out she's the archetype of service, pure service, first thru the art of self care then that bares altruism to its fullest range & realm. But Kali Ma made herself known, too, & how happy I am to be here, on the coast, at home. Sometimes I still think & see him & a home meant for us. A place we will come to get away.

Kali Ma Kali Ma come to me again from way back when. She dark mother, she me she I crofton hoochie mamas til now--til then anyhow--Truslow Road when we used to cram the living room full of 20 heads. Oregon woods detritus of death--Kali Ma, dark mother. And this is the theme song the whole long time with Beth.

The underbelly--generations of wounds, subjugated, degraded, this unspoken darkness saddled to the necks, to the low backs, to second half--of us all. Dark mother--comes out in our broken sex ways, our broke ma's, broke pop's, our codependence & control. Kalima she is destroyer, great rebirther--she forces sight--

rememebers all.

So, too~the great turn. Also long talks of progress taking long, long times. Emily who I met thru Mark thru Ben thru Beth told a story of Maya Angelou speaking--she said how sorry, how very sorry she was to give children today this earth, this society, these contexts, yet

she said also, I promise you it's better this world we have to give than it was when I was your age--

& so it is & all things ebb & so they flow again--& now in time of greata ever loving western ebb is now for us peace makers, is time for us mythlivers, is time for us hearttrusters to again lay our seeds~