Who needs to go places

There's an enormous amount on my mind.

I went to see Liz for her intuition and to get a tarot reading.  Her shop is closing, in the morning I have a reiki client there and then that is the last I will ever see of Ancient Arts.  I was staggered by what came out in the cards, sitting there open-jawed it felt like Liz had me cornered under a bright white light.  It was true, afterall, what I saw laid out there between her and me.  Hard to admit, plain out in the daytime like that, but even harder under Liz's wise eyes to deny.

Amy is driving me all the way to Conneticut tomorrow and then to get home Sunday I will take the train. Bebe has offered to let me stay in her cabin back in Cali for a caretaking exchange for up to seven months.  I am stunned by the kindness of the people that I love and can not help feeling that these are things I do not deserve.  So I will write...  I spent most the day and even time after going out tonight sorting through my old room here at the beach.  Trying to decide what of my writing materials needs to come back to California with me, what I can live without.  Journals, notes, folders and folders.  What I can fit.  I feel horrible for long moments about leaving mom.  And worse than that about leaving my niece.  I'm confused about the reading I got, it was counter to all the work I felt like I've been doing.  I am talking here about men specifically. Suddenly it was three years ago and I couldn't trust because I didn't know myself, all over again, and that was all before I got on the phone tonight with Josh.

Thank god for Jott, and a high-backed booth at our local bar.  I haven't had a drink in 11 years but that has yet to change the fact that I'm the kinda girl who needs to go places, to drive in the dark when it starts to turn late at night to meet friends in the hush dead of winter with our faces lit by neon lights.  That camaraderie, the magic of shiver-bones and tires on a cold street and then people who are warm, will always be medicine for me.

We drank club soda and red bull and ate chicken wings until our bellies hurt and there was nothing more to say.  Thankfully that's when Tara turned up so the laughter started.

Thankfully life goes on.