All those people under all those little orange lights

The air on 28th street in Ocean City is warmer than the mountain air in Northern California.  Warm beach air, is there anything better in the world? It's December, when I got home to mom's it was rustling the branches asking hey come on where are your leaves?  I got out of the car and started to squat to pee.  Cmon, Kel, I had to remind myself, no more outhouse living you're not on the compound now.

I cried when I left the farm Tuesday night and mumbled something in to the neck of Monique like "Dont tell Jon I dont want him to know he was right."  He said for two days that I'd cry when I left, it's funny the things you think of when your emotions get the best.  I did cry, but not til after all my little moments, all my little private goodbyes, after I was walked to the car and watched them all walk back to the cabin led by their headlights through the dark. It was as I was pulling away, Mo ran back, knocked on the window, and then neither of us said anything.  Just started to sob.

It took 32 hours to get to Ocean Pines.  Lots of driving, a motel stop, more driving, a car drop, a shuttle then airport rigamaroll. In between it all that warm California sunshine.  Smiling and lots of I love my life.  My transfer flight outta Vegas was empty, I had a row to myself and slept a funny plane sleep that was never quite all the way.  I saw a shooting star out the window, right next to the big dipper which looked like I could touch it, or at least sing a song close enough for it to hear.  In Maryland I stared at the lights of Baltimore as we neared the ground.  I love to travel.  And I especially love to fly home, all those people under all those little orange lights, in the middle of the night.

My brother surprised me at 8 this morning.  He showed up at the Pines and laid my three month old niece on my belly in my sleep.  I was totally startled then in a rosy-warm-baby-blanket-glow.  All day I just kept looking at them, him and his daughter, thinking wow, he's really a dad.  Tonight I went with Jott and Schank, my ol Yacht Club girls, to Mother's Christmas Party.  The bartender from Peppers was guest pouring, Chico was there, Ryan was wearing a red tie.  Life goes on, things change, and also they dont.  All of it's so great, I feel like a spectator watching the peaceful way I get to enjoy myself.

We raised hell.  I love the way beach air feels, it still smells that good-same walking out the bar room door.  No tears now. It's rad, to be home.