Writing just to write. That part's frustrating, the long hours working are gratifying but the no time to write, much harder. There is discipline, there is being lazy or unmotivated, then there is just. Tired.
The girls are getting yoga instruction in the middle of the common room, it is our Weekend. Tomorrow I am going on a date with myself and I simply can. not. wait. Mountain Fever turns out is a real thing. I am wonky this week, I am in need of quiet time, I am in deep need of some Kelly space. If I weren't saving money for a writing cabin when this gig is over I would've gone north tonight and gotten a room. Cable TV, black out curtains and most of all. Quiet, and peace that's my own.
Starting to look forward now. Whatever cycle that had to wash me over with the car accidents and the guy seems to have integrated and passed now, I am me again able to identify the me inside. Not personality me or maybe personality me who knows, this isn't eastern thought here this is just one girl with different ideas every day. The solid me I call spirit that is there, I sought to be able to find her through most of 2009 and 10. Were friends now, past few weeks she was injured and hurt a while and that was process and emotions that she dipped down in to and disappeared in to but all that, as just said, seems to be settled. Because most of all I feel like I have choice again.
There is revolution going on the world over. I have anarchy in my blood and am a natural leader and orator, so when I meditate I include the world now, too. Otherwise it is solution, my retreat I often see or feel, but first what I will use this money for. A little cabin somewhere near the coast, in the woods. I can almost see it, cant you?
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