Circles

It was like crashing chin first on boulders, coming home, and by the time I got to the Pines I was turned every kind of inside out and I knew it was bad when even the ocean didn't speak of home.

I felt myself falling down, too, which was the frustrating part, wanting so badly to hold on to something and knowing that it was the force of my grip complicating the motion, the vortex of energy, the circles, going around and around like a downtown highrise revolving door that all the fancy people walk through. Catalytic energy of my self, working against myself, and the anger at the whole damn thing unravelling simply because I didn't, I so badly didn't want it to unravel at all.

By yesterday evening the rain came though, and my soul was emptied by then and ready for the cleanse I was so soothed all the way through. I spent the whole day working peace, swirling circles, new circles of light at my room at the beach. All I originally intended was to set up my quiet spot, set up my candles and little things of magic and sacred and power in the corner in my room so I put the windows up to burn the sage and other oils and herbs so of course by then, by the time fire and all that summer air was involved it turned quickly, happily in to an all day affair. Mom got home in the afternoon and I was blessing herbs all over the counter and we laughed the crazy laugh when I caught her with her eyes closed, blessing them too. We were giddy, Chels was in the hospital about to bring Savanah in to the world and maybe that's what started it all, sending her reiki and peace and how powerfully psychic that early day opening made me, I literally felt the contractions in her back as I sung sweet quiets of peace from my spirit to hers. Sweet sweet peace I held her across the miles in my arms, allowing for the true steady and calm. Sean in the meantime texted he was at the airport waiting, having been bumped to a flight five hours later and they gave him $400 to wait, and so he ended up flying with his fiance on the flight her company booked for her and so at the end of the day serendipity, even on the east coast, the hard dismantled cement and gray and grease and ego-tapes of mean and goddamnits revving always in the people's head east coast, serendipity, light spirit, prevail. Sky's the limit I texted him and sent him the mind vision of us out front of his house in Columbia arms at the sky like Cindy always does chest open and hearts pointed at the sun. Laughing, laughing, laughing in knowledge of the wisdom truth that as the heart goes the Universe seeks to affirm.

The best picture ever came at 4:30 Grandma with the baby in her arms. By dinner my room was the fabulous messy of explosion that comes first whenever I clean or organize anything visual and magical as I am. Mom's health food tasted so great, the rains came in sheets, the sky looked yellow with hysterical late night sun battling the storm for its final chance to poke out. The McMullen reunion is Sunday, I start work Monday, tonight I hold Savanah for the very first time.

My laundry's almost done, Sean's folded in to the streets of Memphis, Dad is home early for the weekend from Lanham having graduated 130 students last night spouting anger and politics but I smile at him the face of quiet and the moon. Even though my homecoming was anything but smooth I myself am alighting again and maybe ready now to return all the calls and texts and messages that keep coming in. I love the moist way of muted morning light coming in through my room at the Pines. I love the magic of life, reverent, dirty, ebbing and crashing, re-surfacing again and again. There is a surfboard in our kitchen and out back the forest is full of summer green. My family is touching down in various different spectacular forms it is the reminder of stability, which is another means of saying the constancy of change change change.