Here I Am

Today's one of those days. I woke at 4 or so and could not get back to sleep. Which at the time was fine because I got in to this book that my friend and sort-of mentor recommended I read. Indeed, it was eye-opening, all about co dependant tendencies in relationships and identifying said tendencies in your self. For all my own self-awareness, it was really informative and full of little aha moments. I followed up with decent enough quiet time: I got to have my first coffee wrapped in my warm fuzzy blue robe sitting on the side porch, it was just me, the earth's mists, the glorysounding morning birds and first rays of orange sun. And then got meditation time in in my sacred spot, too. And went to Zumba at 8 am, which, for this dancing queen fond of hiphopshakingit in my Michael Jackson moonboot-style weighted exercise shoes, it doesn't get much better than Zumba to start your week....In fact, I had a quote and pics to post about my journey over the past several months of committed body awareness.

But you know what, that'll have to wait.

Remember the other day when I wrote about the hallway being hell but that I for one was enjoying the breathing room? Well, I surely dont want to fully Pollyanna this piece out~right?? I mean would it really be me without an ironic nod of blatant irreverance once in a while?! I mean, let me just tell you. I left Zumba in high spirits and was to work by 9:30, at a local church registering spanish speakers for English classes. It was great, full of joy as it always is. Then on to my office, and a lunch break later during which I got to walk in the sun and under the flowering cherries and dogwoods to the local healthfood store. And right now I'm sipping a dark chocolate mocha at the local coffee shop before I need to go to another local church for more ESL student registration tonight. I mean hell, life, if accounted for in measurement of quantifiable experiences of quality, should be grand. But look. It's just one of those days.

I feel tired, and sort of blue. My friend Gretchen, the mentor you know from above, she's quick to remind me not to be hard on myself...with all the great changes in the last five months of my life, well these little dips are to be expected. And I have lots of blessings, dont get me wrong, I mean I see them all around. But it doesn't change the fact that I am where I am. And I thought I ought to write about it, since honesty for me is crucial to my day to day experience of living this human life as authentically aware and open as I can. And basically, as Gretchen's helped me realize, living spiritual when the going's good is easy. It's showing up when it's hard that counts.

Here I am.