watch out it's about to take us skidding back over the landscape of our past three months. go see risa at nightlightnews.com, four paragraphs down (i haven't been able to get anything to paste to my blog for months now and i am too lazy to type it all out) and read about this mercury retro, starting sept 6th and going for three weeks.
and then let's stop using our heads so much! right now it's all about relaxing, softening the gaze and muscles and stance, deep breath so you can feel a smile emerge in your chest and permeate that rose light within. our bodies want to be sleeping more in preparation for the equinox and if we dont slow down now we'll end up sick. curl in to the burrow of you, and trust in the natural thrumming rythms that are loosening the heat under and just around your skin. let the boundary between you and the air goooooooo.... moon soak time, let those yearnings surface and re-begin...
Showing posts with label Merc Retrogrades. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Merc Retrogrades. Show all posts
September 3, 2009
May 4, 2009
The only thing one can be sure of changing....
Ughghgh. So, here's the skinny.
I'm about to drop it in a heavy honest way, too, so I surely hope there is someone out there that will benefit from this confessionalism. I am just about on my moon and dig it gals, whether or not you have found this to be true I am going to tell you what I know experientially and from the heart as a fact of the matter: whatever incessant emotional nags or swirls, rages or guilts or issues that cause stress and tiredness the week or so before your period, these are the ones that are chock full with the messages of your soul. The ones with the gifts, these are actually the invites as to how and specifically where to honor yourself and love you a little bit better. Well. Don't you know for a week or so plus (since the second half of my cycle kicked in) I have been resisting doing the "Real Work", or at least one very specific aspect of the Real Work. Which would be dealing with one very specific nag. Instead I have been trying to control said nag with the same old codependent behavior that I am working on getting to the bottom of in the first place. All busy trying to fix what's broke with what's broken and mad as a buzzing hornet's nest of on their moon mama wasps that's it's not going my mutherloving way!!
What is the Real Work? To quote as explanation from the book I am using, put on me by a mentor whom I trust with my life, in order to move through some necessary healing of old behavior in regards to self and relationships, I will define it as "...focused work. It can be intense. (ha!) What are we searching for? The darker side, the side that prevents us from loving ourselves, loving others, and letting others love us--the side that blocks us from finding the love and happiness we want and deserve.....Often, present responses are connected to our unresolved feelings from the past. To free ourselves today, we must heal from yesterday's feelings...." A page later it says "And yes, healing is possible. We can heal at as deep a level as we have been affected." It is a step by step process, a process that I know works and with which I am familiar. But ooooh my god do I feel like I am in a big pot of midway meltdown and suddenly everything has just gotten stuck. In intake, when I meet students who are like just a handful of points away from the range they need at assessment to sit for their GED, I usually tell them some version of the same thing. I steeple my two pointer fingers together like a mountain, look down over my glasses at them with big stern pointed love in my eyes and I say now look here and listen good. Here is your goal (I indicate the top of the "mountain" of my fingers) Here's you. (I indicate the top knuckle just underneath my left nail.) (Over the glasses, re-engage the eyes.) Now dig it, dig how realdeal close you are. You are SO close, but these last steps are crucial to make it to the top, and I'm just gonna level with you, they are the toughest steps there are. See how steep it is here? (Indicate knuckle again.) But you've almost made it. (By now we both are usually misty-eyed.) It's gonna take some hard, committed work. I'm talking real effort, a real commitment to yourself, for yourself. Can you do it??
Can you, Kel?
(By the way I found out today that at least 21 students from just two of my 7 Adult Ed classes are receiving diplomas and walking in a cap and gown in June!! Holy sugarnuts what I do does count!! And I dont even have the numbers for the year from my other 5!)
In traditional recovery, where I am at has been defined as the searching and fearless part. Later on, from the same book as above: "This process became experiential. I began to live (it.) Life prodded and poked me until I looked so deeply within that, as last, I could truly see me...This fearless searching, this looking within, became a forced process, imposed on me by my recovery, life, and my Higher Power. I didn't like it, but I learned to accept it, to go through it..." Man I so totally, totally get this. It has been forced upon me but force is the total wrong word, and I dont think it's quite what the writer means either, it's more like when she says how you just do it, "go deep, start with the top layer and then let the process take you deeper" and that's what happens. Once you get in there holy shit there you go and it's like a spiral down down down that just sort of happens from within your soul. And all the coincidences as you're going along--all the outside circumstances as you continue with going about living your life, they seem to magically align to help reflect back at you again and again deeper and deeper exactly what you need to see. My pal Beth from Oregon when I told her the Real Work I'd decided to take on, she was like, holy shit just hold on. I remember when she did some of it, all the pain she went through. I HATE IT. I freakin really, really do. But holy shit, hold on cuz the only way out is through...
The first three or four weeks were miraculous my god I thought oh this is it! My intimacy shit is cured. No no that's just the sparkle allure the soul uses to hook you. Now that I'm here, with the legitimate nags staring me down with pointed stern eyes straight in front of me ohhhhhhhh I dont want to look, which sucks cuz it's times like this that you really learn wherever the hell you go, well, there you are.
I dont want to be stuck here on these same old things anymore. I will do this thing damnit. No matter what. I just hate hate hate that now's the time that I really, like it says, have to look at me. And look at how (gulp) it is me, and my old beliefs, AND NO ONE ELSE, that have caused me the most harm.
Great magic of being pray for me people.
And also, in case the real work aint enough, Walsh reminded me today that Mercury Retro's on Wednesday. And we got the rest of the week, here backeast, full a rain.
Put on your wastehigh waders kids, things about to get thick...
On Mercury Retrogrades, from nightlightnews.com, used with permission from Risa (last retro ended mid Jan, we get one a season and recall that each season stimulates a new phase, and all phases are linked quite circularly if i do wax esoteric a moment myself, of inner growth):
Wednesday night (May 6th, 10:00 pm Pacific time) Mercury turns retrograde for three weeks. We prepare this week (tend to details, plans, purchases, etc.). When Mercury retrogrades the information received since Mercury’s last retrograde must be reviewed and organized for our minds have become overloaded with data. Retrogrades allow us to “houseclean”, put thoughts and ideas in order, and bring closure to previous events. We all become detailed Virgos during Mercury retrogrades.
~~
Yea. So. Be about it.
(insert picture of me rolling my eyes at me in the mirror over steepled fingers and eyes full of pointed stern big silly love)
I'm about to drop it in a heavy honest way, too, so I surely hope there is someone out there that will benefit from this confessionalism. I am just about on my moon and dig it gals, whether or not you have found this to be true I am going to tell you what I know experientially and from the heart as a fact of the matter: whatever incessant emotional nags or swirls, rages or guilts or issues that cause stress and tiredness the week or so before your period, these are the ones that are chock full with the messages of your soul. The ones with the gifts, these are actually the invites as to how and specifically where to honor yourself and love you a little bit better. Well. Don't you know for a week or so plus (since the second half of my cycle kicked in) I have been resisting doing the "Real Work", or at least one very specific aspect of the Real Work. Which would be dealing with one very specific nag. Instead I have been trying to control said nag with the same old codependent behavior that I am working on getting to the bottom of in the first place. All busy trying to fix what's broke with what's broken and mad as a buzzing hornet's nest of on their moon mama wasps that's it's not going my mutherloving way!!
What is the Real Work? To quote as explanation from the book I am using, put on me by a mentor whom I trust with my life, in order to move through some necessary healing of old behavior in regards to self and relationships, I will define it as "...focused work. It can be intense. (ha!) What are we searching for? The darker side, the side that prevents us from loving ourselves, loving others, and letting others love us--the side that blocks us from finding the love and happiness we want and deserve.....Often, present responses are connected to our unresolved feelings from the past. To free ourselves today, we must heal from yesterday's feelings...." A page later it says "And yes, healing is possible. We can heal at as deep a level as we have been affected." It is a step by step process, a process that I know works and with which I am familiar. But ooooh my god do I feel like I am in a big pot of midway meltdown and suddenly everything has just gotten stuck. In intake, when I meet students who are like just a handful of points away from the range they need at assessment to sit for their GED, I usually tell them some version of the same thing. I steeple my two pointer fingers together like a mountain, look down over my glasses at them with big stern pointed love in my eyes and I say now look here and listen good. Here is your goal (I indicate the top of the "mountain" of my fingers) Here's you. (I indicate the top knuckle just underneath my left nail.) (Over the glasses, re-engage the eyes.) Now dig it, dig how realdeal close you are. You are SO close, but these last steps are crucial to make it to the top, and I'm just gonna level with you, they are the toughest steps there are. See how steep it is here? (Indicate knuckle again.) But you've almost made it. (By now we both are usually misty-eyed.) It's gonna take some hard, committed work. I'm talking real effort, a real commitment to yourself, for yourself. Can you do it??
Can you, Kel?
(By the way I found out today that at least 21 students from just two of my 7 Adult Ed classes are receiving diplomas and walking in a cap and gown in June!! Holy sugarnuts what I do does count!! And I dont even have the numbers for the year from my other 5!)
In traditional recovery, where I am at has been defined as the searching and fearless part. Later on, from the same book as above: "This process became experiential. I began to live (it.) Life prodded and poked me until I looked so deeply within that, as last, I could truly see me...This fearless searching, this looking within, became a forced process, imposed on me by my recovery, life, and my Higher Power. I didn't like it, but I learned to accept it, to go through it..." Man I so totally, totally get this. It has been forced upon me but force is the total wrong word, and I dont think it's quite what the writer means either, it's more like when she says how you just do it, "go deep, start with the top layer and then let the process take you deeper" and that's what happens. Once you get in there holy shit there you go and it's like a spiral down down down that just sort of happens from within your soul. And all the coincidences as you're going along--all the outside circumstances as you continue with going about living your life, they seem to magically align to help reflect back at you again and again deeper and deeper exactly what you need to see. My pal Beth from Oregon when I told her the Real Work I'd decided to take on, she was like, holy shit just hold on. I remember when she did some of it, all the pain she went through. I HATE IT. I freakin really, really do. But holy shit, hold on cuz the only way out is through...
The first three or four weeks were miraculous my god I thought oh this is it! My intimacy shit is cured. No no that's just the sparkle allure the soul uses to hook you. Now that I'm here, with the legitimate nags staring me down with pointed stern eyes straight in front of me ohhhhhhhh I dont want to look, which sucks cuz it's times like this that you really learn wherever the hell you go, well, there you are.
I dont want to be stuck here on these same old things anymore. I will do this thing damnit. No matter what. I just hate hate hate that now's the time that I really, like it says, have to look at me. And look at how (gulp) it is me, and my old beliefs, AND NO ONE ELSE, that have caused me the most harm.
Great magic of being pray for me people.
And also, in case the real work aint enough, Walsh reminded me today that Mercury Retro's on Wednesday. And we got the rest of the week, here backeast, full a rain.
Put on your wastehigh waders kids, things about to get thick...
On Mercury Retrogrades, from nightlightnews.com, used with permission from Risa (last retro ended mid Jan, we get one a season and recall that each season stimulates a new phase, and all phases are linked quite circularly if i do wax esoteric a moment myself, of inner growth):
Wednesday night (May 6th, 10:00 pm Pacific time) Mercury turns retrograde for three weeks. We prepare this week (tend to details, plans, purchases, etc.). When Mercury retrogrades the information received since Mercury’s last retrograde must be reviewed and organized for our minds have become overloaded with data. Retrogrades allow us to “houseclean”, put thoughts and ideas in order, and bring closure to previous events. We all become detailed Virgos during Mercury retrogrades.
~~
Yea. So. Be about it.
(insert picture of me rolling my eyes at me in the mirror over steepled fingers and eyes full of pointed stern big silly love)
October 4, 2008
Retrogrades @ Harvest Time
I am still in my pajamas. I am still in my pajamas and my breath is the breath of someone who spent a day long laid-out on the earth in the sun. That sun is going down now--I am blissed and calm and mellowed beyond words.
This is good, that love affair with self I am so committed to. Not the selfish kind, but the courageous kind, embolden by solitude and knowing when to listen to your own cry. The Elizabeth Gilbert When you fill up your own skin with yourself that alone becomes your offering kind.
I sat long outdoors today, under my favorite trees. Brandon in the hammock part of that time, me chest opened to the sky and also at times chest folded over my knees. I sunk in deep to me and let the feelings of inadequacy from my new job, the fears and insecurities prisoned-up in my heart rise and pass. I read poetry til the song moved in me and tears wet-up my eyes. Seriously, for a day of doing Nothing, I got a lot done.
It is harvest time, the geese are arriving back from their summer stops. All the greens from the summer garden were today brought in--and new-bloomed fall crops, too: turnips and radishes and the last of the apples from the highest branches in the tree. Tonight we are having our friends over to feast on the season and sit by the bonfire in the cooling Autumn night.
It is also Mercury Retro right now. In her book We Are the Ones We Have Been Waiting For Alice Walker talks about the periodic times in life that call for a natural pause. She uses the time right after college as specific example, but goes on with her own poetry to exemplify the richness in spirit, the natural ebbs and flows of the human-spirit experience as the essence of, and at once the reason for this nessecary phenom. Here is what I know: Mercury Retro comes four times a year, once always during Harvest time. This is the time to do Nothing, Nothing w the capitol letter N kind. To take, in Walker's words, the great Pause. Time to give yourself, to your Soul or your subconscious or your physical health or your mental machine or however you see you in your finer undefined essence, time to Breathe. To just stop. And watch. Maybe to gather, or to reckon. To go within.If your running around crazy that's because your fighting your self and the cosmos and the earth's right now natural flow. Get outside. Eat a late bloom apple, drink some harvest wine. The earth in her infinite changing expressions of oneness is teaching: Your Nature is Her Nature. This I know. So get your toes and heels down on her and watch your mind go and go until it realizes you see it and it has nothing more to do. Unwind. Real-ize. That flow is of you and you are it and now it offers you a real chance to witness, and to grow.
So love a little. For us super-scared humans taking time to learn to love the passings is the least (if not the best) work we can do.....
Smile Kel, it's almost 6pm and you're still in your pj's!
Warty and Peanut Punkins & Harvest Corn Dollies
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