An enourmously calm reserve.

Thirty degrees feels different in March than it does in January.

Last night in the dark beside the bay the cold air didn't even sting my face, and the three inches of snow we got some time after the pubs and clubs closed and I got home melted by the time the sun was yellow and sky blue at one this afternoon.  Mom and dad and I prepared food for the week all afternoon. Dad's lost 37 pounds.  In the morning I watched the original True Grit on AMC then later switched to Sex and the City on E.  The whole final season was on, I called Katie, we talked low Sunday talk while I laid under my redtent blankies laughing and listening to her, and Carrie Bradshaw, and periodic interjections from mom and dad.

Later they asked about my travel plans, we sat over dinner discussing my route or at least the places I see myself visiting, or feel in my heart is the right way to say.  The Blue Ridge then Tennessee.  The Gila's, canyonland, then Colorado.  Cali and all of the Pacific NW.  The mountains and the green green trees, all the stars.  The mama mar, the 101.  Traveling, just me! Ah god I can barely contain it all.

They're so good about it, mom and dad, and always have been.  The easy to confuse life of mine that could be labeled slacker by those who don't know me or have different values.  Dad gave me portions of his salmon for the week, his brown rice, roasted vegetables.  I sat down and asked for their input:  help me brainstorm what I need to put in order, what needs to be prepared and gotten done and what I need to get.  By the time we were done the list, on small paper, was three pages long.

It was 2006, towards the end, I told them.  When I prayed the terrible prayer and agreed not to just ask myself, but to patiently pay attention as I answered what it was in life I really wanted.  It's taken til now to know most those answers, and it was that journey from then to now that helped shape and glisten the me that can fulfill those things, my goals and hopes and dreams.  Mostly tho, it's taken til now to trust in the reality of my inside life, where the wild spirit and heart lives, and to pay attention to its guidance and listen to its nudges and calls.  The wild inside place that most in the world don't revere or believe....Preparing to travel this time around is so different now because I know me and know most of all that place in me, I don't even blink when others show fear or awe, or incredulousness which is what I see, mostly, time and again.  You're going to leave your job? 

To follow my heart?

YES YES HELLLLL yes, I am.

It doesn't even matter what comes next, after I set out for the road, but yes for you reading with this concern: I do have a Plan B.  There's a lot to get done now though and it's all written down, it spans from car tune up to credit balance transfers to purchasing camp stoves and rope, tarps and an ax that is the right size and cut for me to use.   I am excited, but mostly, full of an enormously calm reserve.  It's been growing and growing.

Like the fast melted overnight snow, I can feel it pooling.  It's so soon to flow.