My friend Cindy is the bravest person I know.
She is a renaissance woman of the truest type, baker, teacher, traveller, sailor. Also artisan, which has been amazing to watch emerge. She took information on intentions and affirmative thinking and put it in to such masterful, unrighteous practice and results that I sparkle just to be around her and consider her one of the most sacred and wise karma-sisters in my life.
Before meeting her I woke up at Sam's after falling asleep the night before pretty quickly. We wanted to stay up and watch Starwars and drink tea like we said we were going to do but we were both really tired and surprised by all the snow. There was snow everywhere in the morning, so meeting Cindy at 7am got pushed back. I had to make room for scraping it all away and for driving really slow. It wasn't as bad driving as the night before in the storm tho, driving Amy from downtown Chestertown back to her country house in the woods. It reminded me of being on acid years and years ago in my little blue hatchback feeling like I was driving through outter space. Except for in the snowstorm space was entirely white and all the stars and aesteroids whirling and wizzing past me were really crazy numbers of little pieces of snow.
Cindy is amazing and I aspire to be like her. I have only ever said that about one other woman who wasn't famous some sort-of way and once about one man. Cindy prooves that independant, open-hearted, passionate and joyful, creative and honest soft and strong are all possible all at once; and that being an authentic to yourself being true woman is possible to do while also being wife and mom. She also has helped me re-define the idea of "settling" down.
We had the kind of breakfast over coffee talk that made spontaneous joy-tears and feeling overflow from my eyes. Laughing and tender experience of life-talk. We used to teach ESL together, we hosted a huuge conference once together, she is the one who introduced me to Teena who is the one who owned and invited me to live at Chop.
transgendered ginger cookie!!
She shared a funny quote with me as we recapped the last several months. "Good luck, as we know, can be fickle. Good friends are not."
She is a good friend.
When I left her house I went to Proc's for a slice they've still got the best margharita around and I ate in my car because it was lunch time and if there is any place it's easy to be seen it's Chestertown at Proc's or the coffee shop at lunch. And when I was done the same song came on that one by Mumford and Sons, once on RNR and immediately following on XPN. I was moving fast out of town on 291 on the backroads towards the beach speeding along between the wide farm fields and all that white sun. I had mean tears trying to blink out of my eyes, Chestertown still feels too tight for me and most of all it's frustrating for me sometimes, what seems like such a long waste of time and love. I know it wasn't at all not at all a waste but to know and to feel are two different things. Also sometimes I still get so angry at Josh, who showed up this morning in my email and also last Wednesday on the phone, too. I hope he is happy and peaceful and I pray often lifting him up. But far as contact goes, those prayerful intentions are moooore than enough.
I am home now it is my second day off, or my Sunday anyhow. I took a second job at a big uptown hotel in town, one of the oldest ones I even remember my head spinning in excitement when I was a child and we used to walk in--the atrium large and with an ice-skating rink in its full-bellied middle. I am making money now, lots, which is so good. I will work this funny demanding schedule two jobs at times 17 or 18 hour days from Thursday through Monday til I have enough by the summer to go on the road and do nothing but be outside sleeping under the stars swimming in rivers and laying on the earth under the sun and moon. Writing, visiting friends and poems. By the end of the summer I will settle on the West Coast, somewhere I am guessing between Santa Cruz and Baja only Harmony and Time will show.
I feel so good, peaceful again and happy. It's nice to have direction, to feel comfortable and in the know around your own home land, to ready your self and get all your duckies lined up in a happy row.
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