After crawling around the city of my bed rolling over its soft hills getting stuck in its hard concrete and pausing in the quiet sweet creeks of rest I kept almost starting to find, each time thinking this is it I can feel sleep right on the other side...I am up. It is pointless for me to try to go to bed at 9 or even 10 even on nights before I have to get up at 4:45. What good did it do me? Three hours of sleep tonight and upupup by 1:45. Here I am.
I got my phone to use the light to make it to the kitchen thinking water would be the trick and there facebook was all lit up with its little red star notifications on the plastic electronic face of my friend blackberry. I hate you blackberry you are not my friend. Sam posted the funniest awful picture of me from what I guess is back in the day. 2005 doesn't seem far away enough to say that about yet. It made me realize: all things move on.
It is a new moon tonight--I mean now that it is Wednesday that were talking about. She peaks at her void by 6 this eve so that is what the sleeplessness was all about. It is Brigid's moon, the new moon of first seed or first light--when the sap quickens and the seeds are sown or first start to yawn and awake. All that river of life waking up from deep deep inside. And all the things you want out of your life buzzing you humming you aching you awake. So the tide flat there flat as the dark moon sitting there her dark eye on you rises after tonight rises a little bit a little bit more a little bit more at a time each passing day from tonight on and winter will take its last rotten lunge at the sky--sorry winter after tonight moves on nothing you can do to beat the changing tide...and spring shall come...
In the meantime it is raining here as if it never rained before as if all the years of all Time that time was ever Time was kept on a great check board bulletin of life and decorated in country gingham and purple sparkles and timeless gold on a great big polka-dotted wall and suddenly Time itself said no! No more high-falutin fanciness for me lets get back to the basics pleaaase and so translated itself in to rainwater--all that time passed all that water and yesterday it began to fall, same as it fell last week, it falls and falls while all around the rest of the midatlantic they get snow and ice. Our ground here is moist and muddy. My heels sink three inches in.
On Friday I grabbed Sam girl Sam at Java Bay not boy Sam with the history of me and funny awful old pictures that aren't really too too old and I said come on I will show you the third sign of spring. I led her to the front door where across the parking lot you could see all the many blackbirds making feasts of the lawn. There had to be hundreds of them. The day before that when I was sitting in my longjohns and sweatshirt and cords and gloves and hat on the back porch in my beach chair under my blanket and snuggie getting late day sun and lusting over the pics in Vogue, I wrote a poem it was a short quick one and came from all the sun confirming what I already know, what Brigid's moon by the wise woman ways used to be used to tell--how close spring is, how soon it truly is on its way.
there are, & have been:
squirrels chasing each other thru the woods
over fallen branches and across canals
filled with water
swelling preparing readying almost
to move~
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