Being a human is hard, right? There are no instruction manuals on this thing, this great big boundless craft we're all busy trying to navigate, encompassing-as-all, this engine of Life so raring to go that sometimes it's sweet enough just to feel the wind through our hair, and then others, ooooo the rotten goodness of stagnation or of storm....I love it, right? But it's hard, too.
Relationships are hard, being yourself and then allowing yourself and others room enough for the same. Like how bout when your close with people in that intimate way so that they know you even for your ingnorant parts reserved typically for mom and dad, sis or bro or your kids. And you know the same of them. And not judging anyway. Not having expectations. I wish I could say I was always loving enough. Ah, but human as I am that's just not my case. I get confused, too, youo know all the what's right and what's not, what calls for standing up for yourself, what's the total tao of easing back, being still, or letting go. Gosh for me this is a lifetime of defining work, I walk it and learn through it and drive my craft along in my professional life, with close friends, with casual friends, with family, in my material life, my consumer life, my emotional life, of course with love. I dont know if I'm doing the right thing. At the end of the day I just try to recollect, be thankful, keep my eyes open in review. I used to be a hard ass and an asshead. Today I try to just keep these things in check.
Who knows at any given moment how truly well I do??!
I did dishes today, cleaned out the fridge, my car, did my bills. I made some important calls, did an itty bitty thing for work. It's amazing what taking a little action will do. I caught up with two old friends, too. It's funny how with some people it's so easy for me to be at peace and, even after big chunks of timelapse, contented with take me as I am. And with others how I fall in to certain roles--Voice of Wisdom or of Hope, so god-damned close to know it all? How these relationships always make me question myself. If it's true we're all mirrors of one another, just playing out our scripts of soul and growth through the vantages of these roles--than I am always teaching what I need to learn.
Later today I took a long luxurious swim and reveled over the Mystery of this Life. The blessed simple peace of everyday. I did loads upon loads of laundry. This is something that, during the years that I would use the laundramat in town, used to make me resent the hell out of life. Can you imagine!? A thing simple as cleaning up in a regular way after myself. Being human is so simple, so funny, so strange... I am sitting at the coffee shop in Naptown now, on a date with, in full glorious revel of me, and in all today and as now, I keep being humbled by the repeated experience of this is it, This, this is my Life, no place to get to but here, and I keep smiling in a sweet inner way just to me.
Here is a song in Celebration and Serendipity. For the little things, for Erika's post today quoting the same thing that my morning mediation did--Hemingway's line about writing the truest sentence you know, the meditaiton itself reminding us that artist's are charged with living life in truth, no matter what the truth of the current moment is, challenging ourselves to be brave enough just to live, in order to, by virtue of that Life, have the natural fodder from which to create. And for hearing this week, a week when I really needed it, from not one, not two, not three, but ALL FOUR of the people that I consider to be spiritual giants in my life, whose shoulders I to this day give thanks for the oppurtunity to stand on. I mean, I haven't heard from two of those people in over a year, and the other two in months...and at random each of them on their own just happened to shout out for one reason or another to me this week.
They remind me right now that we never know the greater picture of this tapestry in which we are so blessed to be getting the chance to together weave...Bless them each, bless me...
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