fall is coming and the full moon is here

i woke up this morning after the deepest, most satisfying sleep i've had since i moved to chop. and it was only a three hour long sleep because just before 5 i awoke with a pillow hugged to my chest in the middle of an intense dream, which is the only time i can ever remember awaking on my back hugging a pillow. and i got out of bed realizing that i have been dreaming the same recurring dream since the weekend and puzzling over what it might mean. then i turned on the window fan got back under my soft sheet and in the grey morning light lay there an hour half-awake. until the next thing i knew it was 9 am and i was sleeping but waking slowly and feeling so, so satiated from my deepest depths within. like i had been wrung somewhere on my most essential level entirely clean.

and i had no thoughts of angst over work and my future, over where i am going to live next, over any of it. merely i felt complete, and settled in a way that i actually forgot is possible because its been absent for so, so long. i almost giggled out loud, and thought of the most random, exciting things: i love over-medium dippy eggs with whole grain pancakes with fruit cooked in and to eat them in front of the tv with regis and kelly. or to make jewelry because of all the different pretty colors and styles of the beads. i love fashion and exploring clothes that are just right for me. i love the quiet beach in late yellow september. i love to be in the woods, to swim in wild streams, camping. i love camping. i love to cozy cozy read books in the morning in bed when i've got no place to go....

and then it struck me, fall is here--or so i mean that on the wheel of the axis of the year, the preceding week or so has been the quickening of the tide of the change...tonight's full moon is traditional Lunar Llamas, the apex, the surge of bounty...we celebrate lunar llamas the first full moon when the sun is in leo and it signifies for all of us the passing of the year. intuitively we reassess what we've accomplished this year, what our harvest has brought to pass, what we didn't do to well at growing, where we have been fertile, futile, full of meat or just of bones.... oh god oh god life i love you so, so much!

sure as we are here people our cells, our dna move with this ever changing earth, and sure as this movement is tracked only by the sun there is a rightness, a depth of completion and union to it all in that it never truly ever ends, simply slows or quickens, and begins again. take heart, take stock...life recycles, we turn within, we radicalize, dive down deep, come to birth again....