To Dream

Weekends at Choptank...

Teena's Vietnamese and Thai infused pho with influence of Normandy Chicken!

I am sitting in my big blue bathrobe, front porch of Choptank in the corner near the heater, the only place I get wifi here on my own secret spot on the shore. I'm indulging in leftover ghiradelli peppermint bark from christmas--yummy breakfast just for me and also the only best part of this past commercial holiday season far as I'm concerned. Went back to work Monday after two full weeks off and woah--socking me in the face with a brick would be the closest reality to how that felt. I forgot how damn much energy I give to adult education. My heart and soul. That's it tho--how I do my life. With my whole heart and all my soul.

Weekends at Choptank so far are usually spent in my pajamas, so it felt good to put my foot down and choose not to go in to the office first thing today and instead take this morning in full lounge mode as I've grown accustomed. Teena cooks a lot when she's here; a lot of good, rich, enduringly satisfying and savory foods. I wear my robe, sit by the river, read, take pictures, write a lot. I cry, I pray. Soak in moments. Feel myself, my life, coming in through me. Through some block that I didn't even know had grown so strong and cold there. Sitting there just underneath who I used to be, who I currently dont know I am, who, in quivering moments, I know I have the potential to become...on the underside of it all there lay the instinct of my life, the force of me so raw at times that the pure alluring surprise of it startles me to tears.

It is incubation time. Time for the earth to draw herself long inwards for time-full and quiet rest. So too we find ourselves doing the same--tho perhaps wide awake at night, passion-felt and full with the waking dreams of what, of who, of how we could be. Take light of this waking felt in the night, this startling sense of suspended animation, of instinct towards joy and flight tempered regularly by dark and futility. So should it be. The whole purpose of a long sleep is that one may dream.....