Yes it's the fall equinox tonight, overnight. Making today the last day of the summer~
My heart's been terribly wistful. I dipped down lower in fact than I've been in some time and damn do I not do well with that--unaccounted for fluxing in my mood. Even though I am the one who knows and teaches Anicha, the wisdom of the emotional and mental life how it is fleeting and always will change, even that knowledge still didn't stop me from being really effing hard on myself in trying to figure out Whyyyy? It started Monday, I walked the cliffside to the beach and lay in the yellow sun, light blue swells and diamond sparkles and Santa Cruz hippies and teenagers all around, so much smiles. I sat a long, long time, just trying to be gentle with the discomfort of myself, in myself.
Here we are: the season of change. The wheel turns to the dark half of the year tonight, even if for now we are perfectly balanced. And so at this state of in-between, it's time for reflection, gratitude, and above all listening deeply to your own soul's response. I had the coolest, coolest fucking year. My high time at the beach was ecstatic like little before I've known, the dancing, the sun, the surf, the good friends. The immediate and consistent blessings of family all around. This is not even to mention the time I've spent on the road, the harmony and serendipity and surprises that have come with all that. I will spend the fall working in the mountains, and what comes then and after I can not know...
It was Erika, on Tuesday, who pointed out the birth of my niece and the outlying impact a baby always brings. On the heel of that conversation it occurred to me, slowly, the deep grief I am feeling over moving forward. Moving on from my life and times at the beach, back east, among the intimacy of the people who mean so much to me and a lifestyle I had whittled by choice. There is little to do with this experience other than ride it, feel it, honor it. And too, in quiet, dream more, dream forward, and trust in the power of my dreams and my heart to guide me towards the next harvest season to come.
In all things, we are right here, where we are meant to be. Or like my brother Brooks has been known to say~She might come late, but she always on time...
...That's just what the mama wisdom has to teach us today.
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