Every so often when I'm driving home at 3 am on a Monday or random Wednesday or Thursday I think to myself, is this normal? None of my married or parent friends are doing this right now. And then I laugh and think thank you so much I love my life. So I was a little late coming in to bloom--I haven't touched a drink or a drug in almost 11 years, and that is the central fact of my life--the choice I made to save my spirit. To resuscitate me. In my early twenties when most my friends were doing what I do now I was a sloppy drunk trying to insidiously control my drug use and the fear-clench always in my gut. It was a lazy, dirty time. I had fun, and got down with unquestionably some of the coolest people on earth back then but honestly, I didn't like myself too much.
I didn't know how to like me, like really love me cuz I kept messing things up...I'm thankful for the re-set button in life. For the enduring depth of wild spirit deep and abiding in me that for some reason I committed to learning how to trust.
It's solstice, longest day of the summer was yesterday--the sun peaks at its highest during the day today. And whether or not people realize it, the high light-energy was totally catalyzed over the last couple 24 and for the next few, too: Anyhow for me, last night the high energy out in the dance club was such crazy good fun.
Ha ha and so wild, too.
My sweet, sweet life, hand-whittled by choice. Choice coupled with trust in the high harmony of putting my heart behind exactly what I love, and bit by bit eliminating what I dont. Or learning how to be peaceful and accept. I dance alot, I have such good friends, ohhh & all the all the light of the sun and surfing and salt water sea how I love swimming and to float and to be with the white wave breaking and pushing me, o music and yoga and doing body work and counseling people and being willing to serve. There is so much that is full, as the sun on high illuminates all we love.
O sacred book and poems! A year ago today I was at the Belmont Street Fair in Seattle it was cold and gray and I had just spent a month in the PacNW rejuvenating myself after two years of stressful burn-out at my job. I stepped down and haven't looked back. I am a waitress now! How much has lightened, and changed.
On August 1 me and an old grl from highschool are driving 50 straight across. I want to start under the sign in Ocean City that says Sacramento, CA 3073 miles and then hit the road. We are going to Santa Cruz where she lives and I am staying with her for a month or so to get sort of relaxed and find my feet on the new ground of the West Coast. Then I'll trip around a while, and find a place in the fall to settle down.
I am happy getting happier. Why not? A good meditation for the Solstice: what else could life possibly be about?
No comments:
Post a Comment