Mad Vision

Remember when Dylan did that Unplugged thing on MTV? Same one Lauryn Hill did that caught her a ton of flack, sort of gave her her final docking papers? I was never crazy about Unplugged after that, after the way ppl couldn't get down with Lauryn un-pared. I loved her, the bones sans flesh feeling of the whole thing. But that spoiled me on MTV for good for the ill media hype they gave my grl.

But Dylan. He did this version of Knocking on Heaven's Door. He was aged, you could tell, it was before the whole tumor thing tho bc I remember seeing him preform after that and that happened later. But still, you can hear it. The age, which, much as age is wisdom it too is doubt, remorse, the looking back. You can hear it in his voice but it's all alright bc most of all you recognize that the hoarseness, the spine crunch of deliverance, the throaty almost about to break in there is the aged expression of Devout Hunger itself. His very voice, always such a part of his epic-ness, his whole persona and legend specifically because IT was inherent to his artistry, I saw so clearly how human that instrument really is. What fuels it then? What powers that Epicness?

I dont know what year it was released or made, but on the Peir in 95 peddling cassettes and CD singles as the prizes for a betting game that I worked the mic for, Dylan Unplugged was one of the many tapes that themed my days. Rolling up the tarp side of my game stand in the early morning breeze the sea glittering all tinseley, sick with no sleep and chemicals behind my shades but always lighted up on the inside in that slappy happy day-after-still-drunk-way that the sun and salt always did for me. The blue sky and the ferris wheel looming high above, spreading, big as hell, big as the world, big as heaven had to be. I dont know why I got to thinking of it this morning--maybe cuz Muller, whose dad owned that betting game we both worked for, just showed in my life all these years later. Or bc I saw Notorious for the second time over the weekend down the beach, or at least part of it before the cable went out, and Ready to Die dropped so huge that year and the CD single for One More Chance, with Meth and Big doing The What on the B side, made us all say we were getting FTW tatted on us by Chico that summer. Which makes me think even more of of Legend and Epicness and Hunger. Big and Puff. And what makes the difference. And what you regret.

It's not what you do but what you dont that you regret? That's what I've heard anyway I dont know tho. I would say it's all a matter of, all part of the being Epic. Torture is what you sign your bones too, what you hang your clothes too, what you name your song. What you love is always what you regret because if you're like me it's all you're ever truly willing to lay down for. And no matter what, laying down will always have a quality of recklessness to it. Frenzy-inducing. It's what we call Hunger. Why so many of us are scared to live.

The crazy, unadulterated full surrender.

I got changes coming, Mad Vision. What I used to bemoan bc I always used to fight my Epic tides, the ones that propel my indefinite forward motion. I'm stoked now tho. Fueled and fired, ready to go.

Destiny's not something that happens to you. It's something you step in to if you're brave enough to seethingly grasp at the Holy Amen.

Amen. Amen amen amen!!