January 10, 2013

Widen widen enlarge your world

It's a Jigsaw Falling into Place morning.

This is what I'm thinking climbing down the painted wood ladder from my loft onto the cold tile floor.  It is a Radiohead morning.  It is still California grey outside which in the canyon is a whole other earthy grey world, and I wanna hear Jigsaw.  Followed by the rest of those incongruent congruencies of In Rainbows.  And here's the thing Spotify you can suck my foot.  I have less luck with you than good, that's for sure.

Instead I'm on Last FM.  Strictly because of spite.  Not that they had the whole album either.  I freak out a minute: the Amazon ad in the top box is showing the surf racks I looked at last night.  Holy Internet.  Live breathing mechanically-armed system.  Watch us.  Circle us in. All connected the watching watching us while we create and watch it.  Brave new little hyper world circled around each happy little autobot.  Angry agro me circled in by the luxuries I compensate by.  Lemme get on the phone and order breakfast to my front door or get on Amazon and have In Rainbows delivered to my computer single click of a button and done.

Circle back out circle out circle out.  Circle out Kelly Mac your only job.

Two nights ago I went stand up paddling from Doheny.  It's a state beach south of here. Out to the edge of the ocean right at that sunset time of light blue sheen.  Like the water is one big silk ripple peddled by a fan.  The sun was down and water black by the time we got to the edge where the rocks hold the harbor back. Right at that point the ocean comes at you in the most gentle big whale-back swells.  Like you have to take them all at once because the swell is the water, is the uprise and fall is all of it all at once.  It's a total threshold.  I kept taking these big chunky breaths like when it is windy and you struggle for your share of oxygen.  Except this was a different kind of fight, a fight to make my lungs and body, my spirit big enough to take the enormity in.

Widen widen enlarge your world.  Poetry is about the expansion, then compression.  Not the other way around.  So much fixed everywhere.  So many dying, these fixed ways so fixed we always can't even see that we don't see.  To create first need flux of increase.  This blog is becoming inaccessible to people it's like In Rainbows or something you need to craft more out of yourself for then an application on your phone. So its poetry made it's way to me today. Poetry that's taking me back as I bend forward and thrust open more more more too.  Been stuck in Costa Rica in 1996 when I write at night this week.  I need to expand and keep looking at tickets to Hawaii for two weeks when I turn 36.  Mo put on FB that she is going to Equador and Panama in February.  Dream trip just the kind of wind to shake things up.  To keep the soul on increase.

There are huge big changes right around the corner.  Ha uuuge.  So much happens at school, so much that happens outside of class.  So Much. Soul.  Good god how that land rings.  I can't even speak right the first two days I'm back in OC.

This is good circle out circle out circle out.  Draw in draw in draw in, breathe.  The expansion compression dance.   What will come next out of me?

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1 comment:

jotto said...

Out of all of that all I could concentrate on was stand up paddle & rainbows. What a lovely combination that would be. Oh...and I'm jealous that you were paddleboarding in jan. Xoxoxo